Ash to Ashes.

So today, I had an epiphany of sorts, which often happens when I’m procrastinating to my maximum and pretending like I have no responsibilities. If you’ve ever spent hours thinking about closure and friends you don’t talk to anymore and things which shouldn’t matter but do, this post is for you. (I hope. :P)

Now that I’m in college, a lot of people from my ‘past life’ are just numbers on a screen. You know, those contacts that you distractedly scroll through on Whatsapp when you have nothing better to do… A very obvious truth that only struck me today is that I can choose which of them to keep in my life. 

Back in school, under the pretentious label of social etiquette, there was always a nagging voice in my head telling me to repair relationships that were showing symptoms of malfunction. ‘Fixing things’ was actually a constant stress to me, and now that I think back to it, I’m sure I overdid a lot of it. The eve of my birthday was always a busy day because I had this policy of setting everything right before I began a new year of existence. It all seems so… unnecessary now. 

Maybe it made sense then. When you’re surrounded by a fixed set of people everyday, it’s nice to steer clear of unresolved issues. I confess that I was closure hungry. Every story had to have an ending I understood, and every event had to have some rationale behind it. I spent days and weeks mulling over the stupidest of things and inevitably, things went from bad to worse after all that effort. 

But now, I have a new life. I’ve grown up enough to know how to prevent complications, and things are comfortable. 

I was thinking about something I did, and I caught myself thinking ‘What will XYZ think?’ (Haha that’s a lot of thinking :P) And then, my head made a very valid point- ‘How does it matter? You never need to meet XYZ again if you don’t intend to.’ XYZ is just another number I don’t know by-heart and if I lost this contact, I probably wouldn’t even realise. 

That’s when it hit me. None of the issues that have ever arisen matter anymore, because none of the people they involve really exist anymore. I agree that this is a very escapist way of viewing things, but if it works, well why not? And this fact in itself is a form of closure. Ash to ashes, dust to dust. So long, farewell, auf wiedersen goodbye! 

So listen to me carefully and repeat to yourself- Let. It. Go. Hold on to the elements of your past that make you feel good, and rid yourself of the elements that fill you with self-doubt. Apply filters to your life, the way you do so skilfully on Snapchat. 

Let it go.