I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of posts on the Internet on how to beat procrastination. But here, for the first time ever, is the opportunity to learn how to procrastinate effectively from a certified expert.
Follow the below steps to screw up all your future exams and entirely waste your life. Because YOLO. 🙃
Arrange all your colour pencils in descending order of height. Double check. Triple check, because what if you’re wrong??!! Get frustrated with your life and destroy this arrangement. Then arrange them in ascending order because who doesn’t like adventures?? :)))
Beat up your inflatable penguin mercilessly. Then apologise to it and spend at least an hour having a deep, soulful conversation with it. If you don’t own an inflatable penguin, go shopping. Spend as much time as you need to, because what’s the rush? It’s not like you have things to accomplish in life.
Look for useless activities that your anatomy textbook offers you. Turn your house upside down in search of a pair of scissors. Construct a model of the middle ear with utmost precision. And then put it away. Don’t even dream of studying the middle ear to gain some context because then you might gain knowledge. Sheesh, what kind of a procrastinator would that make you?
Spend hours on whatsapp talking to people about how unproductive you’ve been. Open the class group and give suggestions to improve the food served in the mess even though you’re a day scholar and hardly ever eat the mess food. Spend some more time telling some more people about how you can’t study, close whatsapp and then waste some more time. (You need to tell them the same thing again later, don’t you?)
Find a nice, scenic spot to study- preferably by the window. Of course, you should spend at least an hour in search of this spot. Bring all your books and settle down. Then, close your books, open the window and look outside for a year or two. Finals? What finals?
Realise that you just can’t be productive at home and come to terms with it. Head to college to study. Travel for an hour to get there. Make a little progress. Head out for a ‘short’ coffee break with your friends, whom you haven’t seen in a while. Take an hour to decide what to order, spend an hour consuming your order and another hour after to allow your order to get digested. But hey, who said you didn’t learn anything? You’re up-to-date on all the gossip in your college. Head back to college, realise it’s time for lunch. Spend hours in the mess. Realise it’s time to head home. Spend another hour on the bus back home. Good job!
Download a lot of new books on your phone. Convince yourself that you’ll read only one chapter a day, provided you study as much as you intended to. Start by reading the chapter. Read another chapter. One more. Meh, you’ve cheated anyway, another six won’t hurt. Finish three books in three days. Why stop there? Um, what is anatomy though??
Congratulations procrastinator! You just wasted five minutes of your life reading this post. Go waste some more time now- the sky is the limit!!!
Now this post is going to end the way any good horror movie does. That single line that flashes across your television screen and scares the sleep right out of your system.
“Based on a true story”.